I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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