Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
