Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
