i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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