i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
