girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
