Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize
