o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I am full of burrito and curiosity
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm both gender and math confused
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
