I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
