You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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