I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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