I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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