he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
