Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
3pm strippers are depressing
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
