Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
