So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I can't turn off my feet"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
