come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
