its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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