I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
