How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
