i just google imaged poop.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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