I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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