you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
