This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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