I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
