I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
