i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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