I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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