No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
