There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
