Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
