bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
