SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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