Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
