some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just puked most of my soul out..
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
