I'm really into asian looking animals
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
it was like eating out sand paper
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
