tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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