That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
