I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
