Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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