your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
