Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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