Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
This house was built for laser tag.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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