My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Randomize
