Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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