College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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