Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
