I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
