How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
should my penis look like a turkey
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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