I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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