Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
